Embrace the X

Between Meltdowns and Magic

recent posts

about

  • Embrace the X: Why I’m Starting This Blog

    Welcome to Embrace the X! If you’ve found your way here, you might be wondering what this blog is about, and why I decided to start it. So let’s dive right in: my story, my thoughts, and the motivation behind this project.

    Who I Am

    I’m 26 years old, hold a master’s degree in healthcare management and economics, and will soon start a new job in insurance and contribution law. My life has never been a straight path—not just because of my choices, but also because of factors beyond my control. I’m autistic, I have ADHD, and I was born with Monosomy X, also known as Turner Syndrome or Ullrich-Turner-Syndrome.

    If you’ve never heard of it, I’m not surprised! It’s a rare genetic condition that primarily affects women, with a wide range of possible impacts. For a long time, I struggled to understand why I felt so different. Why things that seemed easy for others could completely overwhelm me. Why I could hyperfocus and excel in some areas but crash over simple everyday tasks. Over time, I realised: It wasn’t because I was too sensitive or lazy, I was simply neurodivergent.

    Why a Blog?

    The name Embrace The X represents exactly that: embracing diversity, both my own and that of others. X can stand for many things: the unknown, genetics (like the X chromosome in Turner Syndrome), or the variable that makes us unique.

    I decided to share my experiences because I know how lonely it can feel when you don’t fit neatly into categories. When diagnoses only tell part of the story. When you exist in between, neither neurotypical nor “disabled enough” to always receive support.

    This blog will be a space for:

    Honest insights into life with AuDHD (autism + ADHD), Monosomy X, and the challenges that come with them.

    Strategies and tips that help me manage my energy and navigate daily life.

    Reflections on society, work, and inclusion because misconceptions about neurodivergence are everywhere.

    Funny and beautiful moments because while being neurodivergent can be exhausting, it can also be wonderfully absurd.

    Change as a Constant

    Right now, I’m in the middle of a major transition: I’m moving from Bremen into a smaller town near Hamburg and starting a new job. Change is always a double-edged sword for me. On one hand, I’m excited for new opportunities. On the other, it brings chaos and uncertainty, something my brain doesn’t handle well.

    One of the reasons I’m moving is to find more peace and stability, and to better manage sensory challenges. But I’m not doing it alone, my beloved partner is moving in with me, making this transition even more meaningful. I’m excited for this new chapter together, even though we both know that settling into a new place will take time and patience.

    We’ll also be bringing along my two beloved pets:

    • Maya (Mayo), my 6-year-old cat, who has recently developed a fascination for cardboard boxes, but only if they have bananas printed on them.
    • Milo (Bibo), my 3-year-old dog, who swings between being the cuddliest creature ever and a total whirlwind of chaos and energy.

    This dynamic mirrors my own experience: moments of deep focus and need for structure, constantly interrupted by a brain that loves to jump in every direction at once. Living with both autism and ADHD means balancing these two extremes every single day.

    Sometimes, I see Maya as the autistic side of me, calm, focused, and selective about what she engages with.

    Milo, on the other hand, embodies the ADHD chaos, the impulsiveness, the excitement, the constant shifts between hyperactivity and exhaustion.

    What to Expect Here

    I don’t have all the answers. I’m not a coach (maybe not yet?) or a guru claiming to have the perfect solutions. But I am someone who reflects, experiments, and openly shares my experiences. Maybe you’ll recognise parts of yourself in my stories. Maybe you’ll find new perspectives.

    But whatever brought you here and I’m glad you found Embrace the X.

    Feel free to share your thoughts, experiences, or questions. And of course: Embrace the X – just as you are.

  • Soulful Sunday: “Becoming Me”

    I tried to fit, to walk in line
    to wear a mask that wasn’t mine

    I echoed words, ignored the spark,
    hid my light within the dark

    But I was never ment to bend,
    to lose myself
    just to pretend

    Now I walk my own true way
    whole an real
    no need to sway

    Until next time – stay messy, mindful and magical. ✨

  • Dear Little Me – A Letter to My Younger Self With Ullrich-Turner-Syndrome

    Dear Little Me,

    You’re holding so much more than anyone can see.
    You’re brave just for waking up each day and walking into a world that often misunderstands you.

    You don’t have the words yet for what you feel – the quiet confusion, the moments of shame, the deep desire to just be “normal.”
    But I want you to know something:

    There was never anything wrong with you.

    The doctors will talk about your chromosomes, your hormones, your heart.
    They’ll tell you that you’re “different.”
    But they won’t always tell you this:
    You are whole. Entire. Enough.

    I know that sometimes you feel too slow, too emotional, too left behind. I know you wonder why other girls seem to fit into their bodies and their lives so easily.
    You don’t see yourself in magazines.
    You don’t see your story in books.
    But here’s the thing: you are a story worth telling.

    One day, you’ll stop apologizing for taking up space.
    You’ll meet people who see you – not despite your softness, your scattered thoughts, or your quiet aches, but because of them.

    You’ll learn to say “no.” You’ll learn to rest.
    And even when it still hurts, you’ll give yourself grace.

    If I could sit beside you now, I’d hold your hand and say:
    Your body is not broken.
    Your pace is not wrong.
    You are not alone.

    Keep going, little one. You are growing in all the right directions, even when it feels like standing still.

    With all the love in the world,
    Your future self

    Journaling Prompts for You:

    • What would you tell your younger self with love and honesty?
    • What do you wish she had heard more often?
    • Can you offer that voice to yourself now? 

    Until next time – stay messy, mindful and magical. ✨

  • Ullrich-Turner-Syndrome: Things I Wish I Knew Earlier

    When I was younger, I didn’t even know that I had something called Ulrich-Turner-Syndrome (UTS). I just knew that I felt different — in ways that weren’t always visible, but always real. Looking back, there are things I deeply wish I’d known earlier.

    Things that could have saved me pain, shame, and the feeling that I had to push through everything alone. This isn’t about blaming my parents – they did their best with the information and tools they had. But it’s also important to say: there are things they didn’t take seriously. And I wish they had.

    Things I Wish I Had Known Earlier

    1. UTS Is Not Just About Height. As a 12-year-old, I thought it was just about being short. That was the one visible thing people noticed. But UTS affects nearly every organ system and involves a complex mix of hormonal, physical, neurological, and emotional challenges. (📚 Source: Bondy, C.A. (2007). “Care of Girls and Women with Turner Syndrome: A Guideline of the Turner Syndrome Study Group.” The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism.)

    2. Executive Function & Mental Load Struggles Are Part of It. It took me years to realize that my difficulty with organizing, planning, and emotional regulation wasn’t a personal failure – it’s common in people with UTS. (📚 Source: Hong, D.S., Dunkin, B., Reiss, A.L. (2011). “Cognitive and neurological aspects of Turner syndrome.” Current Opinion in Neurology.)

    3. You Can Have a Normal-Range IQ and Still Struggle. One of the most invalidating experiences is when people assume you’re fine because you’re “smart.” UTS-related challenges are often invisible and misunderstood, especially in social settings or under stress.( 📚 Source: Gravholt, C.H. et al. (2017). “Clinical practice guidelines for the care of girls and women with Turner syndrome: proceedings from the 2016 Cincinnati International Turner Syndrome Meeting.” European Journal of Endocrinology.)

    4. Medical Care Should Be Coordinated and Lifelong. I wish someone had explained the need for long-term, interdisciplinary medical support. Cardiology, endocrinology, fertility – UTS affects it all. Early hormone therapy can make a difference not just physically, but also emotionally. (📚Resource: Turner Syndrome Society of the United States – www.turnersyndrome.org)

    5. It’s Okay to Grieve the Things That Are Different. I spent so long denying my needs or pretending things didn’t hurt. But grief is valid – whether it’s about infertility, delayed puberty, or feeling socially behind. It’s not self-pity. It’s healing.

    Things I Wish My Parents Had Taken More Seriously

    • My emotional and social struggles. I wasn’t just “shy” or “sensitive.” I needed understanding, tools, and support.

    • The importance of early hormone therapy and screening. Almost all medical appointments got delayed or dismissed — out of fear, denial, or overwhelm.

    • My right to know and see specialised doctors. I wish they had talked to me earlier and openly. It’s my body and my life.

    • The impact of invisibility. Just because I wasn’t “severely” affected in every way doesn’t mean I didn’t need accommodations, therapy, or reassurance.

    Journaling Questions for You

    • What are things about your condition or identity that you wish you’d known earlier?
    • Have there been times where your needs weren’t taken seriously? How do you make space for them now?
    • What would you tell your younger self if you could?

    Until next time – stay messy, mindful and magical. ✨

  • Soulful Sunday: “Mayo’s Mystery”

    A queen upon her cardboard throne,

    but only if bananas are shown.

    Silent, watchful, soft yet wise,

    a world reflected in her eyes.

    Her taco plushie, snug and near,

    her cherished toy, her constant cheer.

    She picks her rules, she sets the tone –

    Mayo’s world is hers alone.

    Until next time – stay messy, mindful and magical. ✨

  • Friendships That Hold Space – Even When You Can’t Show Up

    Some friendships are loud and constant – and that’s beautiful.
    But the ones I treasure most these days are the quiet ones.

    The ones that gift you a puzzle with your “special interest” on it – without even knowing what an autistic special interest is and by far not that you are autistic (although… looking back some things were quite obvious). You just freaking love manatees and they love you.

    I am so thankful for the ones where months can pass and nothing feels broken.

    Where a single check-in says more than a dozen calls.

    Where “I love you” sounds like “no pressure”, “take your time” and “I know how your brain works – and I like it that way.”

    It’s a very special gift to have friends invite you over just do to a puzzle with manatees on it. Nothing more. Well, of course, cuddling the cats and dogs around.

    These friendships hold space instead of expectations.
    And in a world that often asks too much, they feel like home.

    Until next time – stay messy, mindful and magical. ✨

  • Digital Detox & Reclaiming Real Presence

    In our hyperconnected world, rest isn’t just about sleep – it’s about mental space. A wellness practice that has transformed my life is intentionally disconnecting. Not forever, but just long enough to reconnect with myself.

    Think about it: how often do you reach for your phone without thinking? How often do you scroll when you’re actually overwhelmed, tired, or emotionally drained?

    This isn’t a guilt trip. It’s an invitation to pause, to notice your body, your breath, and what’s happening around you.

    A digital detox doesn’t need to mean a week in the woods.

    It can look like:

    • Turning off notifications for a few hours.

    • Choosing paper over screen for your journaling.

    • Leaving your phone in another room during meals.

    • Having a no-screen morning or night once a week.

    When I started practicing these little resets, I noticed more of everything: my thoughts, my feelings, the colors in the sky. Even my dog Milo’s little sighs when he falls asleep next to me. That’s presence. That’s healing. Give your nervous system the gift of unplugged moments.

    You don’t have to disappear from the world. Just find a way to show up for yourself again

    ✍️ Journaling Prompts:

    • What emotions do I feel when I’m offline? Relief? Anxiety? Peace?
    • When was the last time I felt truly present in my body?
    • What does enough rest look like in a digital world?
    • Where in my day can I carve out 10 minutes of tech-free space?

    Until next time – stay messy, mindful and magical. ✨

  • Discovering My Diagnoses & Learning to Say No

    For a long time, I carried the quiet feeling that I was living life on “hard mode.” I couldn’t keep up the way others seemed to.

    Everyday tasks left me drained. Social situations felt confusing, overstimulating, and exhausting.

    When I finally got my diagnoses (Autism, ADHD, and Ulrich-Turner-Syndrome) things began to click. Suddenly, there was a reason for the overwhelm, the meltdowns, the sensory struggles, the mental exhaustion from trying to fit in.

    It felt like someone handed me a map of my own mind. And it showed me a very important detour: Learning to say no.

    No to pushing past my energy. No to social pressure. No to constantly proving myself.

    Instead, I started saying yes to myself.

    Yes to quiet mornings. Yes to noise-canceling headphones. Yes to fewer commitments and more peace. Healing began with permission to pause.

    I had to unlearn my habit of people-pleasing.
    I had to start trusting myself, even when others didn’t understand.
    And I had to remind myself: boundaries aren’t rejection, they’re protection.

    Healing isn’t linear. But one of the biggest steps was allowing myself to rest.
    To pause. To breathe. To be.

    And my best reminder of that?

    Milo, my snuggly little whirlwind.

    A little chaotic, endlessly cuddly reminder that love doesn’t demand more than I can give.

    On the days I doubt myself, Milo curls up beside me and breathes deeply, like he knows:

    “This moment is enough. You are enough.”

    Some of the biggest healing lessons come with fur, love, and naps on the couch.

    And in this new chapter, I’m not only discovering my diagnoses. I’m discovering me.

    Until next time – stay messy, mindful and magical. ✨

  • Noticing My Nervous System 

    Some days, my body feels like it’s humming. Not in a peaceful way, but like it’s bracing for something – even if nothing’s wrong. That’s my nervous system speaking. For a long time, I didn’t notice these signals. I just thought I was “too sensitive” or “dramatic.”
    Sound familiar? Being autistic, ADHD, or otherwise neurodivergent often means living with a more finely tuned nervous system. We sense things more (lights, sounds, moods, expectations) and we react deeply. But noticing that this is a nervous system response, not a personal failure, can change everything.

    Signs I’ve learned to recognise: •

    • I suddenly feel exhausted after a conversation → maybe my social battery is empty.
    • I keep doom-scrolling but can’t retain anything → could be a freeze response.
    • I’m snappy or can’t sit still → might be a sign I’m overstimulated.
    • I’m craving sugar or screens → hello, dysregulated self-soothing.

    Instead of judging myself, I’m learning to pause and ask: What’s my nervous system trying to tell me?

    Gentle ways to support myself: •

    • Dim the lights
    • Move my body (even stretching or rocking helps)
    • Put on compression wear or a hoodie •
    • Let my cat Maya lie next to me
    • Cuddle and play with my dog Milo
    • Lie down and listen to one song with closed eyes
    • Ask for a few quiet minutes from the people around me

    Mindfulness isn’t about sitting still with perfect posture. It’s about noticing without judgment. Today, I invite you to check in with your body. Not to fix it, but to hear it.

    🫶 You deserve safety, slowness, and softness.

    Journaling prompts:

    • What does my body feel like when I’m overstimulated, shut down, or anxious?
    • What soothes me in those moments, realistically and gently?
    • What signals have I been missing or ignoring lately?

    Until next time – stay messy, mindful and magical. ✨ 

  • Soulful Sunday – “Natures Touch”

    The wind whispers secrets through the trees,

    a soft embrace, a gentle breeze.

    The earth beneath, the sky above,

    all speak in tones of peace and love.

    A quiet walk through fields of green,

    where stillness calms the unseen.

    The flowers bloom with colors bright,

    filling the soul with pure delight.

    The mountains rise, so tall, so strong,

    reminding me where I belong.

    In nature’s arms, I find my peace,

    a balm that soothes, a sweet release.

    In every leaf, in every stone,

    I heal, I grow, I’m not alone.

    Until next time – stay messy, mindful and magical. ✨

  • A Quiet Check-In With myself

    This week didn’t go perfectly.
    But I showed up. I Moves forward. And somehow, that has to be enough.

    There’s a quiet kind of strength in surviving a week that felt heavier than expected. Not with big milestones or loud celebrations – but with the soft, invisible things.
    Getting out of bed even though your body said no.
    Answering a message when yapper brain was spiralling.
    Taking a deep breath instead of pushing through.
    Noticing when you need rest, even if you didn’t give it to yourself right away.

    I used to think I had to earn rest.
    That I needed to cross every task off the list, check every box, be my most “productive” self.
    But now im learning that surviving is enough sometimes.
    That honoring my limits is a kind of success, too.

    This week, I:

    • Took a short walk even though I was overstimulated
    • Gave myself permission to pause
    • Laughed with my partner about something small but sweet
    • Cried once (okay, maybe more), but let the tears come
    • Let Maya curl up next to me and just sat there for a while

    These are not dramatic events.
    But they’re mine. And they matter.

    Snapshot Saturday is about these moments. The ones that don’t usually make it to the highlight reel, but still hold quiet beauty. It’s about reflection without judgment, and choosing softness over performance.

    So if you’re reading this and feeling a little worn out or unsure of what you’ve done “right” this week:
    You’re here. You’re doing your best. You’re growing through the cracks, and that’s more than enough.

    Let’s keep showing up, messily, gently, honestly.
    One soft step at a time.

    Until next time – stay messy, mindful and magical. ✨